Well it has been a while since I blogged and a lot has happened in a short time. 2 weeks ago my uncle passed away from cancer. I was not extremely close to my uncle because my parent's are not together. He was my dad's brother and lived in Michigan so I did not see him very much. I didn't know him like I wish I did but I knew he loved me and he made sure to tell me and show me every time that I did see him. He was special and had a very kind heart. My mom says he was the gem of the family. To not have known him as well as my mom's brothers, I am still completely heart broken. Not fair that someone with such a kind heart and full of love had to die an agonizing and painful death from the monster that we know as cancer.
Since my uncle's death I have been in a deep state of depression. Death always makes you question life and wonder what your purpose is. Well I can tell you I have no idea what the hell mine is. I feel very lost and I've been crying so much lately I feel like my eye balls are going to fall out. I have been praying a lot lately and even read a few passages from the Bible last night (which I unfortunately never do), I feel like I need guidance more than ever and like I definitely cannot handle things in my life by myself right now. Makes me ashamed that I only rely on God when I am sad and I don't thank him enough when I am happy and things are going well.
There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now. The economy sucks I am not sure that I have job security, I have no idea what I want to do career wise in my life anyway, and I just feel kind of lost and in limbo. My friendships seem to be suffering because I am always so tired after work or so sad as of lately that I don't want to be around anyone. Not to mention I live in suburbia while all of my close friends live in the city. It gets really lonely. And my weight loss efforts have gone to hell in a hand basket. I am so stressed that I am barely eating and it's definitely going to take me longer than I thought to lose these last 3 damn pounds and get to my weight loss goal. Leave it to me to not eat and still somehow not be able to lose weight.
I feel horrible complaining because no I don't have a really hard life. I have a job, rocky or not they haven't laid me off yet, I have friends and a family that loves me... most of the time, and I have food, shelter, and clothing. So why do I feel so empty? Because I am a spoiled brat?... maybe. No matter what it is, I need to figure out how to fix it and fast!
Well, I am done complaining for now, time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get in control of my life and find my purpose...
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